Slap Forehead
by Albino Mime
Summary: The grass skirt of the camel flowed in the wind as the ukulele chimed, the tornado destroyed all in the far off distance. Suddenly a giant pink bunny came out of nowhere with Sasuke and Naruto riding it.//Crack
1. Sasuke & Kanda’s Demise

**Howdy Ya'll**

**Im Albino Mime**

I wish to state that I do not own Naruto, D-Greyman or Pokemon and this is my first attempt at writing a Crack and X-ova story. The idea of this crack story came from my friend Saioko999 and myself mucking around with ideas and swapping turns doing the story, line by line, and later we went back through and edited, fixing spelling mistakes ect...

I hope you enjoy it, or not if the case may be...

**Parings:**

SasukeXKanda, SasuSaku (One-Sided) KandaXSakura (One-sided) SasuNaru, AshXEveryone (Oh-My)

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**"Sasuke & Kanda's Demise"**

"Tsk" this kids a freak Kanda thought to himself.

"Look whose talkin' bitch," a pained expression was plastered on Sasuke's face.

Kanda's eyes widened. "Holy shit you can read my mind!!!"

"Yes I can, how does that feel sucka?" Sasuke said while slitting his wrists.

Kanda started to think about the one thing Sasuke couldn't stand, the thing he would hate most...

Sasuke flinched at the thought of Naruto, his nose bleeding, the carpet stained.

In his mind Naruto was eating pocky, very very slowly, Sexyleley!!!

'Why oh Why!' Sasuke's mind shouted.

The older boy smiled at Sasuke withering in pain, he made Naruto suck the pocky harder.

Sasuke decided to fight back; he flails to his feet, blood dripping from the nose.

Kanda ran away leaving Sasuke.

Sasuke started to think about something very, very wrong...

Another pocky stick was removed from the packet... Strawberry...?

He couldn't handle the fact that Sasuke was enjoying the thoughts so much.

What are you doing? Sakura asked in her mind, she was disturbed by the scene in front of her.

"Did you want to be there to?" asked Sasuke. "Because I am not letting you join =P."

Kanda frowned, he so desperately wanted Sakura to join =(.

Sakura wanted this as well and knowing that Kanda wanted it to happen, she started her own thoughts.

The grass skirt of the camel flowed in the wind as the ukulele chimed, the tornado destroyed all in the far off distance. Suddenly a giant pink bunny came out of nowhere with Sasuke and Naruto riding it.

Kanda was happy with this change of topic; he really did love fluffy pink rabbits.

In Kanda's mind the bunny, the bunnies head suddenly exploded, pink and purple blood spraying up the walls.

Kanda whimpered, Sasuke had gone too far ."

He had wanted to hold that bunny, pat that bunny, caress that bunny, and now it was time for his revenge.

Sakura smiled at this predicament, she couldn't wait to see Kanda and Sasuke get it on...!?

*Over Voice* So the battle of the Emo and the nearly Emo began. They fought for 70 days and 70 nights, many a rabbit got hurt and many a pocky was sucked. By the end they didn't really know their own gender and Sakura was very happy with the outcome.

"So are you a girl or a girl?" Sakura asked the two boys.

They sat there in their skirts, looking into one another's eyes, looking deeply for the truth.

"Girl," they both chided in unison.

Sakura frowned, she was hoping for a yaoi scene.

*Over Voice* Wait....were they actually girls or guys. 70 days is a long time. After many a heated argument about their gender, they decided to agree that they were trannies'

"So should I wear a dress or skirt?" Sasuke spoke.

"It looks nice on you Sasuke, I envy your thighs" Kanda said jealously.

"I want Sakura's boobs, I am way to flat chested," Sasuke whined.

Kanda looked down at his chest, looking for something that wasn't there, he frowned. He looked up at Sasuke. "You're not the only one who wants them."

Sakura didn't like where this was heading, she decided to change the subject and invited them to the mall.

*Over Voice* So they teleported to the mall after a very lame transition effect.

"Oh my god, look at those guys! Why are they dressed like that?" onlookers said.

"Bitchy whores," Sasuke yelled out, his keen hearing finally coming of some use.

"GET A LIFE, AND KNOW YOUR GENDER," they yelled back.

"I told your boyfriend he was gay, so he slapped me with his man-bag" Kanda yelled back

"Wha...?!?!" the girls said, their boyfriends were not gay. "ASH ISNT GAY!"

"Hey GIRL FRIEND! Let's go for pedicures" Ash said, a man-bag swung over his left shoulder.

Sasuke heard a muffled "Pikachu" squeak coming from Ashe's leopard skin man-bag.

Sasuke and Kanda smirked at how right they were. "I think your yellow dog is dying from all the hair product you use!"

Ash unzipped his man-bag, Pikachu gasping for air. "Hey, you wanna go for a pedicure or not, I know this great salon down the road. "

"Pika, Pika," the rodent squeaked nonchalantly.

"But...but they are trannies," the girls complained

Ash stared down his girlfriend, questioning her sexuality, "come on," Ash whined, "let's go for a pedicure..."

Ash strutted over to the two guys and linked arms. "Your nails look soooooooo bad~!"

Sakura's jaw dropped "your GF's a Lesbian???" She eyed her down.

*Over Voice* She had to think about her girlfriend back home, Karin was her very best friend (Maybe more), what should she do... Tune in next episode for " Ash Ketchum, questionable sexuality...?!"

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Hope you enjoyed this crazy tail, new chapters will becoming out...

Please, helpful Ideas and some criticisms will b apreciated...


	2. Ash Ketchum, questionable sexuality!

Howdy Ya'll

Im Albino Mime

I wish to state that I do not own Naruto, D-Greyman, Deathnote or Pokemon.

This is my second attempt at writing Crack, again I had help from Saiko999 and I very much appreciate it. I hope you enjoy the way the piece has been crafted (if you could call it that), and that you read the next chapters as they arrive.

I hope you enjoy it, or not if the case may be...

Parings:

SasukeXKanda, SasuSaku (One-Sided) KandaXSakura (One-sided) SasuNaru, AshXEveryone (Oh-My), BrockLight, LightL

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**Ash Ketchum, questionable sexuality...?!**

*Over Voice* Ash strutted hand in hand with Sasuke and Kanda, Pikachu following close behind, spewing up the occasional hair ball full of beauty products. Ash's bitch was following close behind, her mini-skirt and boob-tube revealing all. Sakura drooling right behind, eye's wide, eyeing her off?

"Come on Yall" Ash yelled, "Rainbow pedicures on the house"

"Oh my god," Sasuke clap jumped. "Rainbows, oh and I want a unicorn to!"

Billboard Brow (Sakura for those non Naruto fans out there) *Face-Palmed* wiping out half the shopping centre within the same gesture.

Kanda screamed, "My eyes are burning." He couldn't see, Sakura had moved her hands off her forehead.

*Over Voice* Sakura's forehead blinded all, the light reflected this way and that, destroying all vision within the light beams path, this includes Kanda's eyes.

"Darling Kanda, here take my cap," Ash said, idolising Kanda's bravery for looking towards Sakura's forehead while it was bare.

Sasuke, still flinching yelled, "Sakura, put your head protector back on, the world isn't ready for your forehead"

"But I can take out 200 hundred people in ten seconds!" Sakura whined, she loved her head and longed for the day that someone would love it too...without being blinded.

"Hurry up, the salon isn't open forever you know...we must hurry, Brock and Misty are waiting..."

*Over Voice* Ash looked off into space..... 'Brock is so dreamy....but Misty is soooooo pretty......who do I choose.... Kanda, Sasuke and Sakura are soooooo hot, how will Ash choose?'

The girlfriend sat there eye's wide, "Stupid Over Voice, why am I not an option...?"

*Over voice* SHUT UP THIS IS MY STORY BITCH!!! YOU DO WHAT I SAY OR YOU DIE!

She stood there quivering, twitching in shock. "Hurry up Gimp" Ash yelled, "Brock's waiting XD".

Ash's girlfriend (?) thought about it for a bit. "I'm leaving, I a not going to see you and Brock having smexy time again, enough is enough!"

Sakura smiled, she liked that outcome =D.

Everyone got out their cameras; they were ready for anything, rabbits, pocky or unicorns.

*Over Voice* after many a conversation, in a good way, they arrived at the salon, Brock as standing at the door, awaiting Ashe's arrival. His face lit up at the site of him.

"Honey you came back I missed you, Misty as well!" he ran over to Ash and gave him French cheek kissies. "Oh~! You brought company;" he glared, eyeing them down. "O'wel, we can still have fun, more the merrier."

Sakura's palm started heading towards her forehead, Kanda and Sasuke turned, attempting to stop her with all their power. "Noooooooooooooooooooo," they yelled in unison, "It's not worth it"

Brock and Misty stood there, stunned at this odd behaviour their new gimps had shown.

"Well at least they are active....." Misty whispered, her head tilted to the right. Brock smiled, he just wanted to start the fun right now.

*Over Voice* Brock and Misty dragged them into the salon, Ash pulsating with happiness, Sakura could feel the tension in the room, she flinched as Pocky popped into Kanda and Sasuke's mind (mmmmmmmmmmm... Strawberry.). Brock finally managed to tie Ash into the chair while Misty gathered up the many tools and equipment.

Brock started cleaning Ashes perfect nails, while Misty mixed the nail polish, "The perfect pink", she said while drooling into the concoction before her.

Pikachu tapped the chair next two him, prompting them to sit down. He new that Ash could take a while when it came to his nails.

Kanda, Sasuke and Sakura sat down in the chairs, looking at Brock, questiong his obsession with Ash's 'perfect nails'. They also questioned Ash's Sexuality as he glowed in the pampering of Brock.

Sasuke reached towards the 'perfect nails' "I just want to stroke them once."

Brock slapped his wrists, "Mine" he yelled across the salon. Misty sat their stunned.

Kanda looks out of the window of the salon and noticed someone that he had been looking for for sometime.

"Sasuke...that's... the one.... my love; I have to go, come with me."

Kanda grabbed Sasuke's hand and dragged him out of the salon, legs flailing behind.

Kanda and Sasuke ran out the door, followed by Ash who deeply wanted his nails done with the two boys – or girls?

"What about our manly bonding Sasuke and Kanda...?" he yelled.

Brock watched as his true loves faded in the distance of the shopping complex. Although Brock quickly forgot about them as he saw more new prey enter the salon.

"Hurry up L, its pedicure time!" Kira said, dragging L by the chains around his wrist.

"Will the pedicure look good on me? Will you still love me if i get it done?" L said.

"I will always love you L" that was when Brock dived towards the couple.

Light vanished as the full force of the Glomp hit.

"Light baby I missed you." Brock squealed.

*Over Voice* Scandelous... Does Kira really like L, or is he Two-Timing with Brock? Tune in next time for:

"Thats my Shoe!"

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this crazy tail, new chapters will becoming out...

Please, helpful Ideas and some criticisms will b apreciated...


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